8 Ways Grandmothers Can Strain Their Relationship With Mom


Force Their Advice on Mom

1. Mom Does It the Way that Works for Her Baby and Grandma Does It the Way that Worked for Her Baby.

Experience in motherhood instills confidence, there is no denying that.

Grandma does know what she is saying when she is insisting on something because she has been there.

Sure it might have been a while since she was a mother to a baby, but she knows, so moms should always respect that!

However, just as you’ll discover if you have another one, every baby is so different.

Although something might have worked to calm one down, it might not work to calm the next one.

So, the one who spends more time with baby, usually it’s mom, knows best.

And even if grandma does spend more time with baby because of work situations, there is just something intuitive about moms knowing their babies.

2. Mom Does Things the Way the Doctor/Lactation Consultant Says to Do It and Grandma Insists on Her Way.

Another thing that you will quickly notice when you become a mother is that the practice of medicine is always updating.

Research is constantly telling us how we can improve.

So, chances are, grandma was taught baby care using a different approach, and it still worked because you (or your partner) are the proof.

It can be frustrating for moms, especially if they come from a culture that doesn’t trust medicine, but if there’s a way of doing things that have been proven to be better, then it’s the better way for baby.

How Mom Can Cope With It?

The main question is, how do you deal with it?

Well, the short answer is you can’t really stop everyone from saying something or pushing on something.

There are a few things, though, that you could do to manage through it:

1. Communicate.

Let them know it bugs you!

Don’t just ‘deal with it’.

It will build up and one day you will explode and say or do something you might really regret!

2. Appreciate.

Try to work on seeing the good intentions.

Grandma’s advice comes from the fact that she really does care for your baby, so try to focus on the good for the sake of your baby.

Don’t take it personally.

You’re doing a great job momma!

3. Listen.

If grandma is persistent, then just listen to her advice (if it is practical and safe, of course).

I know this isn’t what you might have wanted to hear, but it’s just not worth getting all worked up about it.

You’ll realize quickly that she’ll be satisfied and will move on to whatever else they were doing.

Remember, your mom or mother-in-law isn’t always around.

The way you mom is your way and it’s ok (if it is not hurting or endangering your baby, of course!).

Criticize and Judge Mom

1. When Mom Doesn’t Follow Through with Grandma’s Advice.

Some grandmothers get really upset when mom doesn’t listen to their advice.

Their first reaction is criticism.

Mind you, if your situation falls into this category, you have to remember that this is your mother we are talking about.

The same way she expressed disapproval of what she saw as your poor choices when you lived under the same roof, she expresses similar disapproval over what she sees as your current ‘poor choices’.

Although I will say that once you’re a mother, you take your mother’s criticism much closer to heart than you might have before because of the weight and pressure of the new role.

This is why grandmothers should be careful with what they say to mothers as it can really put the relationship on ice.

Moms need support not criticism!

2. Grandma Just Never Liked Mom to Begin With

It is unfortunate if mom never felt any love or support from her mother or mother-in-law before having a baby.

It’s no wonder that the negativity continues once a baby is born.

I run into stories like these often in mommy forums and I feel mom’s pain because there really isn’t much of anything she can do to avoid criticism.

The worse part is that it is constant, and it can get to the point that grandma puts mom down intentionally in front of others.

It’s negativity that can add a lot of extra, unneeded stress to the already stressful role of motherhood, and mom should not be forced to endure it.

How Mom Can Cope With It?

Well, first things first are communication.

1. Communicate.

Let grandma know that her approach isn’t helpful and instead negatively affecting you and/or your ability to mother.

Now, if you’ve already let them know that their language and/or tone comes off as critical and judgemental and she doesn’t change or instead gets more hostile, there is only one other thing that you can do to avoid confrontation.

2. Avoid.

Temporarily and until things get better.

You DO NOT need to deal with the negativity of you don’t want to.

I know it might seem a bit harsh, but if grandma isn’t helping and making things more difficult, then you have no obligation to let her continue enjoying the presence of your little one and you.

If she loves her grandbaby(ies), she will realize that she will need to respect mom to see them.

Just make sure you are respectful about it.

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